The Holy Trinity of Exes

Keeping a dream journal has me thinking about the sudden onslaught of dreams I actually sorta remember. I haven't mentioned it in Strangely Random Thoughts yet, but I've been reading The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron, and following her suggestion of doing the "morning pages" and the "artist's dates". A few weeks in, the book says the reader might find themselves dreaming more. So, I guess that explains it, right?

Whatever the reason, I'm glad of it. I don't like a night without dreams, even the bad ones are welcome.

The following is a dream I had a few nights ago.

The Holy Trinity of Exes

I'm living in some other city and decide to go shopping. On an impulse, I buy a new bike (something I've been thinking a lot about lately). After the transaction is complete, I start panicking. This isn't even close to the right bike for me. The tires are miniature!

Attempting to sort out the unexpected Miniature Bicycle Crisis is making me really late for either school or work, (it's all the same in my subconscious apparently). Naturally, I am suddenly not at work or school, but in my home, that I evidently share with a boyfriend, who is in fact, a combination of three of my exes.

So, I'm supposed to be rushing off to work, being late and wearing my Grumpy Pants, (which are real by the way), but my Franken-Friend, who I shall call...Gr-ayn-acs in honour of The Three, comes home with some of his friends, who, as it turns out, are way cooler than I. In fact, I'm pretty sure they are all musicians. Listening to new music takes precedence over work,(as it should), but all I can feel is jealousy and feelings of inadequecy. My boyfriend is being condescending and I feel like a stupid little girl.

Later, (or possibly simultaneoulsy, who knows, it's a freaky dream thing), I'm in my vehicle, holding up traffic while The Cool Ones lean on the hood of the van, and The Holy Trinity of Exes sits in the back with the van door open and his leg (which is now injured) dangling outside. Traffic behind me is becoming an unruly entity, honking its disapproval over my lack of mobility. I call to the Super Friends that I should get moving, to which it seems they all agree.

But for some reason, I start moving ahead before they are all out of the way and everyone screams, including my boyfriend, whose foot is still out the door. I immediately slam on the breaks, but the van feels so heavy, and the pedal so stiff. The van wants to keep moving. I repeat over and over in a meek little voice "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" My boyfriend is seriouly pissed and cursing, and even though it's not obviously directed at me, it feels like it anyway.

I am overwhelmed with guilt and stupidity and humiliation.

I stay in the van as Graynacs says goodbye to his friends and I try not to watch as he kisses one of the girls gently on the lips. I feel like I'm invading his privacy, or his space, and guilt slips over me as he glances over and catches me watching him. And there's the humiliation again. And the jealousy. I chastise myself for being so childish. It's just a kiss. Only a kiss.

And that my friends, is all I can remember. Not as exciting as my road trip with a corpse, I know.

I'll try to do better tonight. Wish me monsters!